How to Tell Your Loved Ones You’re Eloping (Without Causing a Family Crisis)

So, you’ve decided to elope—Congratulations! You and your partner are choosing a wedding that feels right for you. But now comes the part that might feel a little less exciting: telling your friends and family. Because let’s be honest—some people have very strong opinions about weddings, and those opinions don’t always leave much room for modern, intimate, or non-traditional celebrations.

Now, before we get into the how, let’s be clear on one important thing: You don’t actually have to tell anyone beforehand. Some couples choose to elope first and share the news later, and that’s completely okay. Whether you want to break the news ahead of time or wait until after the vows are exchanged, the choice is entirely yours.

Lead with Love and Appreciation

Before you break the news, remember that your loved ones may have been imagining this day for a long time—sometimes even before you did! Parents, in particular, may have visions of walking you down the aisle, hosting a grand reception, or seeing you dance to their favorite sappy wedding song. So, when you share your decision, start by acknowledging how much you appreciate them and their excitement.

Example: “We are so grateful for your love and support, and we want you to know that this decision wasn’t made lightly. Our wedding day is incredibly special to us, and we’ve chosen to elope because it truly feels like the best reflection of our relationship.”

Be Clear, Confident, and True to Yourselves

Not everyone will understand why you’re choosing to elope—and that’s okay. Some people may even assume they can talk you out of it (don't let them!) When sharing your decision, be confident and clear about why you’re eloping, without feeling the need to justify it too much. This is your wedding, not a group project!

Example: “We thought a lot about what kind of wedding would feel most meaningful to us, and we realized that an intimate elopement is exactly what we want. We know it’s not traditional, but it’s what feels right for us.”

Deciding When to Tell Them—Before or After the Elopement

One thing to consider is whether you want to tell your loved ones before or after you elope. Some couples prefer to break the news in advance to give family and friends time to process it, while others choose to wait until after the wedding to avoid any pressure, guilt, or opinions that might sway their decision. If you decide to wait, that’s completely valid. You can still share the excitement afterward with a heartfelt announcement, a celebratory dinner party, or a photo album with your favorite elopement photos.

Example (if telling them after): “We have some exciting news—we’re married! We chose to have an intimate day that was perfect for us, and we can’t wait to tell you all about it.”

Let Them Be Part of the Journey (If You Want To)

Just because your wedding day is small and intimate doesn’t mean your loved ones can’t be involved—but only if you want them to be! Including family and friends in the planning process can help them feel connected to your big day, even if they aren’t there in person. That could mean asking for their input on a destination, your wedding attire, or simply sharing all the exciting details with them as you plan.

Example: “We’d love for you to be part of the planning in some way! While we’re keeping the ceremony intimate, we’d love to share our plans with you and get your input on some details.”

Find Ways to Celebrate with Them

There are many ways your loved ones can still be a part of celebrating the start to your marriage. If it feels right, you can offer ways for them to be part of the experience, even if they aren’t there on your wedding day. Host a post-elopement celebration (or if you're okay with it and they want to, allow them to host a special reception for you), create a special scrapbook of your adventure and talk them through all the memories you made, or get them a special gift expressing how much you appreciate their support for the life you're about to lead as a married couple. Small gestures can go a long way in making them feel included.

Example: “We’re so excited to have our wedding be just the two of us, but we also want to celebrate with you! After our elopement, we’d love to have a small get-together to celebrate with family and friends.”

Your Wedding, Your Rules

At the end of the day, your wedding is about you and your partner—not anyone else’s expectations. And while most people will be thrilled for you (seriously, they will!), some may need time to adjust to the idea. Be patient, be kind, but most of all—be true to yourselves. Because the most important thing is that your wedding feels right for you.